Guru Stunning for Dummies
This title was not my idea, honestly. It was inspired by an advertisement I saw on Meta. I hold any real Guru in the greatest respect and I’m forever explaining to over confident young mortals the vital role that a wise mentor might play in their lives. I'm pretty sure this is not one of those.
The advertisement opened with this eyebrow raising salvo:
“Why are spiritual gurus stunned and spiritual seekers angry? This simple spiritual practice relieves Years of Emotional Pain.”
I can just picture the scene:
Young man about to go out of the front door.
Mother: Where are you going dear?
Son: Nowhere much, Ma. Just off for a spot of Guru stunning.
Mother: That’s nice dear. Do be careful.
Son: Of course Ma.
But wait, there’s more!
“A clever (and very “sneaky” ) way … that forces even Time to have no choice but to bless you.”
This gets better and better, though I’m not quite clear. Does this mean that I get to be a Time Lord, like Dr Who? That would be cool! In any case, if we going on a risky Guru stunning mission, I am definitely pro-sneaky.
"Because Sri Vishwanath is truly a master of these two things. For example in 2016 he taught a small group of students with no prior meditation and spiritual experience six thousand years of wisdom in less than six hours…"
This one efficient Guru Stunner!
Though at this point I’m beginning to feel a little uncomfortable. I have this disturbing image of all these unsuspecting stunned, non-sneaky Spiritual Gurus trying to figure out what just hit them.
But the advertisement goes on (and on and on) to reassure me that there is nothing to worry about. Apparently, Guru stunning is easy!
“Self realisation is just a step away….
I’ve outlined exactly how I did this in my book, How To Enter Into Superconscious State Even If Hundreds of Distracting Thoughts are Fighting For your Attention…”
“Here’s the “big secret” that’s in the book:
There are plenty of people who are good in meditation but they struggle to enter into the superconscious state.
The “trick” is to tap into superconscious state before you even begin meditation.
That’s what my book is all about.”
That’s it. That’s the Guru stunning secret. I read the whole book, which, most fortunately, is only 26 pages long, and there really is no more to it.
Even within those 26 pages the full explanation of the “big secret” is rather long and repetitive. I don’t want to frighten or bore you so here’s my summary of the “big secret”:
- It basically says, ‘you’re already enlightened so get over it already.’ This is a poorly kept secret as I’ve read it a hundred times before, so this is not new information..
- Neither is it useful. Because…how can I put this tactfully?… Reality.
- The main bit is on page 7 of the 26 page book. Different bits of it are on some of the other pages, I forget which. I concluded that it really doesn’t matter…
- The book is shorter than the sales page. I consider this a major selling point.
- In the unlikely event that anyone is actually stunned or angry it is more likely because the sales page insults our intelligence than because its claims might be true. Just a guess…
- At first glance it looks like a pretty good deal — the book is discounted from $97 to only $27. Though gosh, even $27 does seem rather a lot for a 26 page e-book. But hey, it’s the value of the content, right?
The testimonials are most impressive. These two tied for favorite:
“Finally Illumined ! Lo !”
This was exciting. I’ve wanted to write ‘Lo’ in public for decades but have never dared to as I thought it might make me sound a bit silly. But this fearless individual has inspired me to new heights of daring — so here goes: “Lo!”
If anything could top that it has to be the next accolade, apparently penned by Buzz Lightyear himself:
“Enlightenment and Much More…”
I’m sorry I can’t continue — I think I’m dying…😅😅😅🤣🤣🤣
For your edification, and in case you doubt my claim that this is the actual text of an actual advertisement written by an actual human who is not (to my knowledge) currently inhabiting a lunatic asylum, here is the link to the full text plus a picture of the cover. Lucky you. 🙄 Do not hesitate to abandon it at any point. I have covered the non-existent salient points already.
