Jesus Molecules
Some years ago I used to write a regular science column, inspired by the BBC Science pages. Reviewing some of my data, collected with the aid of my loyal research lion, Fifofus, I was inspired to revive this practice.
Here's our latest amazing finding. Research has revealed that we have so many molecules in our bodies and they get spread around so much both before and after we die, through wind and rain and plants breathing and ocean currents swirling, that the odds are good that every person on the planet has at least one molecule of Jesus Christ in their body right now.
Which means I have one too. I'd love to know which one it is. If I did I could pay it a bit more respect.
Perhaps this is what Jesus meant when he said, ‘this is my body you eat, this is my blood you drink.' I’m sorry but I’m paraphrasing. I can’t remember the exact words, except as they were sung in the ’70’s rock opera, Jesus Christ Superstar. Did you know that Ian Gillan, the singer who sang the Jesus parts, was the lead singer from heavy rock band, Deep Purple? He did a fantastic job of pretending to be Jesus singing!
Now if I'm likely to be the proud owner of at least one Jesus molecule, it stands to reason that I also have molecules of Buddha and Krsna and Moses and all of those great people, somewhere in my body. I sure hope they don’t argue or fight. But oh dear, it also means I have molecules of Attilla the Hun and Xena the Warrior Princess. I wonder if girl molecules only get assigned to girls. I wouldn’t feel too comfortable having Cleopatra molecules with me in the bathroom.
Now it is logical to assume, random acts of nature being what they are, (i.e. not as random as they’d like us to believe) that some people get more than one Jesus molecule, and some have none at all. I think that something as important as this should be shared, so I want to appeal to all of you, if you have more than one Jesus molecule, don’t be selfish. Ask yourself, 'what would Jesus do?' Turn to the person next to you and if they have no Jesus molecule, give them one of yours. What’s that you say? They don’t want it? And they’re trying to give you a Mohammed molecule?
I tried explaining all this to Fifofus, my research lion, but he couldn’t quite grasp it. “What would Jesus be doing in the body of a lion?” he said.
It’s not easy explaining spiritual philosophy to an animal whose brain is made of wool. I tried another approach.
"Well," I said. "In your case, it's probably an Aslan molecule.” (For those of you unfamiliar with C.S. Lewis' wonderful world of Narnia, Aslan is a kind of lion God. Think Jesus in lion form. Fun fact: Aslan means 'lion' in Turkish.)
Fifofus was mighty pleased by this. “Wow!” he said. “A real Aslan molecule, in my body. Now you’re talking. I always knew I was born to great things.”
I didn’t want him to get too carried away so I tried to quash his enthusiasm a little. “Of course it may not mean much — there are trillions of other ordinary molecules in your body. That one Aslan molecule is heavily outnumbered and may not have much influence, especially if your body is run as some kind of democracy.”
But Fifofus wasn’t listening.
“I think it’s in the tip of my tail” he said happily, twitching his tail so that the tuft on the end waved in the air, Lord of all it surveyed.